if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
