genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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