shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
