WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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