Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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