in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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