i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would ride that face into the sunset
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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