god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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