i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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