Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
