I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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