Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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