There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
thus making me awesome and them whores
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize