I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
