I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
