The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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