Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
