We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
