we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
