Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drunk is not a location!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
