dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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