Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
