I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And then the night went full on bisexual.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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