I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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