It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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