Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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