Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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