i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
