Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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