I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
