so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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