You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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