I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
