I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it glows. i had to have it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize