mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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