I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
