If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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