My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
