I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
