I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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