i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
