Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he laminated a picture of his dick.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.