We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
