I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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