Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
