ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Don't make out with my wife yet
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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