YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
