Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
