At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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