I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize