it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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