there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
