she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
