he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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