You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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