billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
