im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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