I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
