remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
