oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
