his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think your dad took our porno
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
