i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
