I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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