I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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