It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
