Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
