Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How naked do you want me to be?
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