hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
