would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
