Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
