if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
