lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
