i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
