The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis