"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
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Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.