She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
this hospital has no fireball
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.