Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.