I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?