My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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