can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
