I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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