umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
