i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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