I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize