I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
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who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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