Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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