it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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