dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
